HOW TO HELP THE GRIEVING

It’s a “How To Help The Grieving” Friday.

LORD WE THANK YOU FOR BEING OUR COMFORTER WHEN WE WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY AND THE SHADOW OF DEATH. AMEN

Last night I once again attended a Grief support meeting hosted by fellow police chaplain the Rev Lisa Dennis. Now there are two great things about her meetings. You get some good information and you get a good meal. (Amen Somebody). So since I can’t share with you the meal, let me share with you how you can support someone who is grieving.

The FIRST important thing you can do is to SHOW YOU CARE BY BEING PRESENT AND BY LISTENING. Sometimes your presence is just enough.

2) ACKNOWLEDGE ALL FEELINGS. Their grief reactions are natural and necessary. Don’t pass judgement on how well they are or are not coping. Each person will deal with the death of a loved one in a different way. Be respectful of the other persons feelings.

3) ACCEPT DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES. Keep in mind that your grieving friend’s cultural and religious perspectives on illness and death may be different from your own. For example, if a family has decided to not let children attend the funeral because of a belief that children shouldn’t be exposed to death, support their decision even if it’s not what you would do. Remember this time it is not about you.

4) ACKNOWLEDGE CHANGE. Life won’t feel the same after a loss, and the person may not be able to get back to normal. Help the person to renew interest in past activities and hobbies, or to discover new areas of interest, when he or she is ready. Offer suggestions such as, “Let’s go to the museum or to the movies on Saturday,” but be accepting if your offer is declined.

5) STICK AROUND. Your friend or family member may need your support and presence in the weeks and months to come, after most others will have withdrawn.

6) BE SPECIFIC WHEN OFFERING HELP. Offer help with chores such as childcare or meals. For example, suggest, “I’ll bring dinner on Thursday; how many people will be there?” Performing repeatable tasks such as picking up the kids from school or refilling prescriptions can also be a big help.

7) BE AWARE OF HOLIDAYS AND SPECIAL DAYS. For someone grieving a death, certain days may be more difficult and can magnify the sense of loss. Anniversaries, Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas can be especially hard. Some people find it helpful to be with family and friends; others may wish to avoid traditions and try something different. Extend an invitation to someone who might otherwise spend time alone during a holiday or special day but recognize that they may not accept your offer. Remember a “no” today might be a “yes” tomorrow. Don’t give up.

8) CHECK IN. Checking up on the grief-stricken person can be very helpful throughout the first two years after the loss. Stay in touch by writing a note, sending a text message, calling, stopping by to visit or perhaps bringing flowers. Finally, when you can,

9) Have PRAYER WITH THE PERSON AND FAMILY. Prayer is how we bring GOD into the midst of the situation. Prayer is the answer to everything in life that we have to deal with. Prayer helps to calm the troubled mind and heal the broken heart. As my grandmother would say, “If prayer can’t do it, it can’t be done!” Beloved, remember to the hurting and grieving, you are the comforting presence, the soothing hands and the attentive ears of GOD. You can help your friend. You can do this. As the song says, “You just ask the Savior to help you, comfort strengthen and keep you. Jesus is willing to aid you. Yes He will carry you through.” AMEN LIGHTS AND WALLS!!!